I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize