Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
