____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
