: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
