***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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