I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
