Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
