apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
