dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
