i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
