last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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