I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
