I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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