I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm always down for nudity.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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