toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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