I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
