I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
