just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
