you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
