She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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