No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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