Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
