Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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