Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
