Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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