if you like me you must not know who I am
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize