Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
