so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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