You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize