I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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