On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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