Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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