Yo dont text me then not text me
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
