I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
