so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
