In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
