foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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