Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
