if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
