i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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