I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
