What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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