Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
