This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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