Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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