10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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