$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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