Please, let me fuck your mom
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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