the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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