I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
