im having a threesome with these popsicles
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
