before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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