You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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