i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
