something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
3 2 1 whiskey
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
