i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
