So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
