How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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