i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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