I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
