i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
