I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
