i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
