Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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