Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
