I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
