YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
