I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize